Spit it out into the napkin. Remove the napkin, retaining the food inside by palming it.
Place the crumpled napkin on your lap if it is material. If paper, then place it under the plate, and ask for another napkin.
Another method is to say that you have to relieve yourself. Take a bite of the unwanted food and try and hide it in your mouth.When you get to the bathroom, flush the unwanted food down the toilet. Only do this once.
Fave Warning:
If you have an eating disorder you should not do this. Get help.
Clothes are key in concealing an erection. Never wear tight clothes, or clothes that restrict movement.
Buy tighter underwear, doing this your can keep your penis closer to you body, or have it faced down when it is hard.
Loose shirts are great if you can get away with them. If you’re at school or someplace casual, use an untucked shirt at groin length to hide the erection. Sweatshirts work even better.
Use a jacket or try putting a book in front of it (held casually with one hand, not obviously).
Think of something anti-sexual.
Give it time and it should go away on its own providing the initial sexual urge is no longer there.. Don’t think about it, or it’ll stay longer.
Use physical force. Putting your hand in your pocket and holding your penis to the side can also help but it might hurt a little.
Try to lean forward before the problem becomes too obvious.
When all else fails, go to the bathroom and “tuck it in” pointing up and held with the waistband of your trousers. Don’t make it hurt, just hold it in place. The erection will be much less noticeable, and will go away presently. Then, pull up your waistband and free your poor penis.
Try making yourself worry about something. Think of a project that is due, financial woes, etc.
Fave Tip:
Never “flex” or perform Kegel exercises. It’s hard to explain, but if you’re a guy, then you understand. Flexing will increase blood flow to the penis and make your erection last longer. Control the urge.
Fave Warning:
Don’t do anything when you’re in the cinema or dark place with a big erected penis, just let your penis do its thing, it’s healthier that way.
Pretend you are Rachel McAdams/ Gena Rowlands in The Notebook and get a memory defecit.
Be real flaky. This is best used with #1, blow off important meetings for booty calls.
Indicate that you aren’t too worried about getting caught. Prison might be fun!
If she is still persistent, you have to sit her down and ask her to kindly stop asking you to break the law. It sounded fun at first, but then it all got a little too real.
Tips:
Step #1 is best performed with a loose fitting silk shirt, unbuttoned almost to the navel. Try setting your ringtone to “It’s Raining Men”
When meeting with your lawyer draw gay pornographic pictures in the margins of your notes. Works best if your “notes” are actually just doodles.
First rule of fake INS marriages is don’t talk about fake INS marriages, especially over email. They are going to find it.
Favorite Warning:
You could go to jail and face serious financial penalties and be denied the use of your own Passport on a probationary period if you are caught faking a marriage. It’s not worth it.
Try different forms of fruit. Prepare smoothies and other delights, as the texture of the fruit is often the undesirable part.
Slowly and carefully train yourself to eat small bits of fruit at a time.
Think about how good fruit is for you. It’s full of vitamins, and unlike many other foods, it’s hard to eat too much.
Choose fruit that isn’t unripe, or too ripe. This means making sure that the fruit hasn’t gone bad or is not ripened yet. For instance, bananas raise a lot of different personal preferences, depending on whether or not you like a banana pre-ripened, just ripened or overripe. This is only something that you can discern with practice. Once you know, keep away from fruit that upsets your senses and digestive system.
Fave Tip:
Be careful not to eat too much fruit at one time. Fruit is a cleanser, and so it flushes out your digestive system very quickly, especially if you eat it on an empty stomach!
Write down a list of why you are afraid of clowns.
Understand that clowns are human beings, dressed in make-up, silly clothes and strange wigs.
Look at pictures of other people dressed as clowns, then visit a show where there are clowns (a children’s show would be ideal).
Remember, it’s OK not to LIKE clowns: some people just think they’re ridiculous and immature. But there is no need to FEAR clowns: after all, they’re only actors, who are normal people just like you.
Fave Tip:
Forget what you see in those movies about killer clowns. These movies are meant to scare you. Think about it: if there was a movie about killer telephones, it would be just as scary, yet just as ridiculous.
